Shadows and Suffering

Robert Irwin is an artist who incorporates the tension between light and shadows in his works. One of his works in currently on display at the Modern Art Museum of Fort Worth. It is a white translucent hemisphere of plastic extended from a white wall with lights beaming on it. The thing that struck me is that the shadows define the piece. While the light is the primary focus, you would not see the piece at all if the shadows weren't there.

Suffering is like those shadows. Somehow the hard times, the sadness, and the sorrows of life can lead us to a deeper understanding of ourselves, our world and our God. Suffering provides the shadows that define the light, the goodness and the hope that give our lives dimension and meaning. Without those shadows we would be flat, shallow people.

That is not to say we should wish for suffering or to allow ourselves to be bogged down in it. But with the help of God, we should embrace it, learn from it and allow the experience to bring forth the Light that is within us.

Simple Things

Today was Wesley last day of school. School was dismissed at 10 a.m. after an end-of-year-awards ceremony. We scheduled a party with a few of Wesley's friends. I had a hard time deciding where would be the best place to hold the party. Our backyard would be the easiest and least expensive. But I feared that it wouldn't be entertaining enough for the kids. So I considered going to Pump It Up or the Main Event but I couldn't justify the expense. So we planned it for our backyard but I still worried that the kids would be disappointed that all we had to offer was pizza, snow cones, and a wide-open backyard with no play equipment.

Well, was I wrong! They didn't care that there wasn't any organized activity or a fancy jungle gym. They just played their own made up games and had a blast. But most of all they enjoyed being with one another.

It reminds me that just being with people can be so rewarding. While the kids were playing, the mothers sat and talked to one another. Today the bonds of friendships between the kids and the mothers became stronger. All due to a simple party in our backyard.

Boxed-in

My house is surrounded by hedges of boxwood. They are healthy well-established shrubs that will probably last for years and I should be very happy with them.

But I'm not! They make me feel, well...boxed-in. Their evenly-trimmed square shape gives the feeling of tightness and ridged conformity. They convey closedness not the openness I'm trying to live. I have lovely windows that open out into the world and let light in but when I look out I see these shrubs that make me feel constricted.

I'd like to get rid of them and plant something with a more free-form shape. Or several different plants that would bring in some interesting diversity. But it seems wasteful to dig up these healthy plants and a needless cost to try to replace them.

So I guess I'll learn to live with them for now. This will give me some practice in accepting things as they are and perhaps I can transfer the learning experience to my relationship with some people in my life who I feel are ridged and boxed-in. If I can accept the shrubs why not those people--both are glorious creations of God.

Spring Renewal

A couple of weeks ago I hung a small bird feeder on my front porch. I was afraid that it was too close to a large bay window and that the birds wouldn't come to it. But they immediately started using it. I've enjoyed watching the sparrows and house finches feed from the feeder and also sit in the shrubs outside the window and hop around on the front porch.

Spring is here. After last week's very needed rain, this week has been pleasant and full of sunshine. A wonderful week for Spring Break.

The beautiful weather coupled with a spiritual renewal has led me to begin organizing my house. I started with the piles of clutter around my computer table and bill paying desk. Then today I finally got my sewing/craft room organized. I unpacked boxes and cleared out enough stuff that I can actually do some sewing. I'm looking forward to delving into some creative endeavors that I've been longing to do.

I hope I can continue to eliminate the clutter in my life and to focus less on acquiring things and more on developing relationships with others and with God.

Purple Shoes, Pipe Wrenches and Resurrections, Oh My!

Over the weekend I bought a pair of shiny purple shoes and a pipe wrench.

Two years ago I would have never dreamed that I would ever buy such things. Then my shoes were practical and in neutral colors. And the only tool I felt comfortable using was a screwdriver--and only in very limited ways.

Now I feel the freedom to express myself in new ways. To have a little fun with color and to quit being the mousy wallflower. So I have lots of vibrant hues in my closet--including shiny red and purple shoes.

Also I feel confident to tackle some projects that I've always been afraid to try. Like replacing my shower head (hence the pipe wrench), painting my walls with colors (including sponging a room with flamingo pink paint), and setting up a wireless router (with a little help from tech support). Next I'm going to tackle installing a new thermostat and learning how to mow.

Yesterday's sermon was about God's promise to Abraham that he would father a nation even though his wife Sarah's womb was barren, that is dead. God promised to bring the dead to life--and then did! But the amazing thing is that God continues to perform resurrections even today. I was in a dark , lifeless, and hopeless place much like Sarah's womb. Through God's transforming grace I was resurrected to a new and vibrant life full of purple shoes, pipe wrenches, and faith in God who brings the dead to life.

Hallelujah!

Resuming

It's been a while since I've made an entry here. Not sure why it's been so hard to write. I've had lots of things I wanted to write but I couldn't bring myself to sit down a put "pen to paper" or "font to screen".

But I've had a couple of people ask me when I'm going to write again. Very flattering to know that people want to read my ramblings. Also very intimidating--now I feel that I must write something profound to make it worth their while. Perhaps that's part of my reluctance to write. But I've decided to try to write again regularly and to write about whatever I feel like writing about.

So tonight topics is...drum roll... TOE SOCKS!

Over the holidays, I wore my Christmas toe socks. Besides being warm, they make my son laugh. He loves it when I wear them and wriggle my colorful toes. And it reminded me of some care free times in my youth.

When I was in college (the the '70's) toe socks were popular. Also during my college years I was very involved in the programs at the Wesley Foundation at Texas A&M. Every Sunday night there was a worship service in the chapel at Wesley (as we called it.) We would cram 100+ people in a small chapel that was designed to hold 50. And it was cramming. We filled the pews shoulder to shoulder (you tried to make sure you were sitting by people you really liked). When the pews were completely packed, then people would sit along the aisle. And we even had people sitting on the floor between the modesty rail of the first pew and pulpit/altar area. (Fire Marshall's nightmare; Evangelism Committee's dream)

So being clever and witty college students, me and some other young women decided it would be fun to wear our toe socks on Sunday night and to sit in the area in front of the pulpit. So we did. And we took our shoes off. And there we were -- this line of 1/2 dozen pairs of feet with brightly colored toe socks wriggling at the campus minister. Not sure how funny he found it (he did have a good sense of humor--the only way to survive with a bunch of energetic Aggies) but we thought it was hilarious.

I thought about that when I wore my socks last month. Thought about the silliness that we so willingly engaged in during that time. Nothing malicious; nothing embarrassing (or at least not too much); just fun to have fun. Just enough to counter the drudgery of classes & school work. Diversions to lift our spirits between tests & papers. Thought about the gaggle of friends and the community of faith that nurtured me during that time.

And I missed those days.

Wish I weren't so grown-up...

Wish I could be more carefree...

Wish I had someone to be silly with...

Wish I had that gaggle of friends and community of faith that allowed the freedom to be silly and spiritually deep.

Need friends with toe socks--at least figuratively if not literally.

Need a community of faith that allows toe socks--figuratively if not literally.

Anyone out there with toe socks? Will you be silly & spiritual with me?

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is my birthday and it has been one of the best I've ever had.

One of the good things about having a birthday on New Year's Eve is that I can invite people over to celebrate but I can call it a New Year's Eve party and they don't have to know it's my birthday and then think they have to bring presents, etc. Instead they just show up for a regular party and we all have fun and I get what I what for my birthday--an evening with good friends and fellowship.

That's what I did today. Invited some people over. De-cluttered and cleaned my house (it looks great!). Cooked food I wanted--ham, sweet potatoes, broccoli slaw, Aunt Millie's rolls and topped it off with German chocolate cake (made from scratch, of course). Used my beautiful china (for the first time in the 28, almost 29, years that I've owned it I used all 12 place settings at once.) Enjoyed the company of good friends. Then we went to a uplifting Taize service.

What a wonderful way to celebrate the end of the year and my birthday! (And Judy's birthday too.)

Yes, this was one of the best birthdays ever!